Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
