i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
