I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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