sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's Friday. Sex?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
