Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
