I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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