new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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