Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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