My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
