think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have aggressive nipples.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
