U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
