I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
