i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
