My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
