Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
