i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
