i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
