If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
