in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
