I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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