he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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