dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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