I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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