I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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