I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
