white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
