She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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