he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
