note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
