haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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