hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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