just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
