He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
