there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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