i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
