i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Less talking, more tequila
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
