Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
