he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
