My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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