in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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