yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
