he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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