Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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