I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
