i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
