I'm lost and stupid without you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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