You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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