We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
