mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
