This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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