who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
