why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
