I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
