hell yes lets make some ravioli
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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