so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
