it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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